Friday, September 29, 2006

Mom sent this to me, felt I had to share.

Dear Red States...

We've decided we're leaving. We intend to form our own country, and
we're taking the other Blue States with us.

In case you aren't aware, that includes Hawaii, Oregon,Washington,
Minnesota, Wisconsin, Michigan, Illinois and all the Northeast. We
believe this split will be beneficial to the nation, and especially
to the people of the new country of New California.

To sum up briefly: You get Texas, Oklahoma and all the slave states.
We get stem cell research and the best beaches. We get Elliot
Spitzer. You get Ken Lay.

We get the Statue of Liberty. You get Dollywood.
We get Intel and Microsoft. You get WorldCom.
We get Harvard. You get Ole' Miss.
We get 85 percent of America's venture capital and entrepreneurs. You
get Alabama.
We get two-thirds of the tax revenue, you get to make the red states
pay their fair share.

Since our aggregate divorce rate is 22 percent lower than the
Christian Coalition's, we get a bunch of happy families. You get a
bunch of single moms.

Please be aware that Nuevo California will be pro-choice and
anti-war, and we're going to want all our citizens back from Iraq at
once. If you need people to fight, ask your evangelicals. They have
kids they're apparently willing to send to their deaths for no
purpose, and they don't care if you don't show pictures of their
children's caskets coming home. We do wish you success in Iraq, and
hope that the WMDs turn up, but we're not willing to spend our
resources in Bush's Quagmire.

With the Blue States in hand, we will have firm control of 80 percent
of the country's fresh water, more than 90 percent of the pineapple
and lettuce, 92 percent of the nation's fresh fruit, 95 percent of
America's quality wines (you can serve French wines at state dinners)
90 percent of all cheese, 90 percent of the high tech industry, most
of the U.S. low-sulfur coal, all living redwoods, sequoias and
condors, all the Ivy and Seven Sister schools, plus Harvard, Yale,
Stanford, Cal Tech and MIT.

With the Red States, on the other hand, you will have to cope with 88
percent of all obese Americans (and their projected health care
costs), 92 percent of all U.S. mosquitoes, nearly 100 percent of the
tornadoes, 90 percent of the hurricanes, 99 percent of all Southern
Baptists, virtually 100 percent of all televangelists, Rush Limbaugh,
Bob Jones University, Clemson and the University of Georgia.

We get Hollywood and Yosemite, thank you.

Additionally, 38 percent of those in the Red states believe Jonah was
actually swallowed by a whale, 62 percent believe life is sacred
unless we're discussing the death penalty or gun laws, 44 percent say
that evolution is only a theory, 53 percent that Saddam was involved
in 9/11 and 61 percent of you crazy b*****ds believe you are people
with higher morals then we lefties.

By the way, we're taking the good pot, too. You can have that dirt
weed they grow in Mexico.

Peace out,
Blue States"

Thursday, September 21, 2006

Lots of pictures!

Right now we are in Sunrise, Florida (Ft Lauderdale). Rehearsals went well, and we have survived our first two shows. Almost the entire crew is new to this show, so we had a rocky start, but things seem to be coming together nicely. Next week we're in Miami, which means a show or two in Spanish (which certainly confuse all the new guys). Anyway, as promised here are bunches of pictures.

Furst, I know these are a little late, but here are some pics from my last day at Poesidon.

We had a BBQ at the RV for lunch on our first load-in.

And here are pics from Opening night party.

Here are some cute "doggie-in-the-RV" pics.

The dogs are loving tour. They both have walked on the ice, and did very well. They love having all the people around. It should be interesting once we get to the cold cities and they see snow for the first time.

Friday, September 15, 2006

I'm such a nerd. I heard this joke and laughed my a$$ off.

two neutrons walking down the street

one turns to the other and says "i think i just lost an electron"

the other says "are you sure?"

the first replies "yeh i'm positive"

And here's another dumb joke for you while I'm at it.

Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath.
This made him. .... A super-calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.

For those of you who've seen my show, you'll understand why I like that joke.

Wednesday, September 06, 2006

Lakeland, Fl.

Well, we are here, and the RV is hooked up. THings are going well. We're a little short handed, but luckily we are just in rehearsals. Our tour schedule seems to be changing on a daily basis, so no one really knows yet where we are headed.

Anyway, there is much to do. And I'm stealing wireless from the office.

I'll write more when I actually get a day off, I'll try to post some pics too, if I can find a connection that isn't so incredibly slow.